Doll


As I drift into my nights sleep. I hear my grandma Brown in my ear. Boy she has a lot to say. She passed 3 years ago and I miss her in physical form.

Our friendship was unique as grandma and grandson. She tended to have a biting edge of judgement and directness in groups. Yet unguarded with me.

She would call me up for no other reason but to check in. Just to say, “Hi”. We would talk about all kinds of things. She was always interested in what I did. She loved how I helped people, that I was a good listener, that I was up to be minister one time, or that I acted, with no judgement. She would say, “Doll I am sending you some prayers, and some other things, use them with Harper. Your a good father. She is loved. You have a big heart.”

Lately she has been talking my arm and leg off. Those that are out of their physical body, are around. It feels awkward and freeing to talk about. Most people judge such situations away with “your crazy” or “your hearing things” or “why doesn’t she talk to me” or “What is she telling you.” Well she is free. And one thing with those who have passed, they watch everything. They see it all. And from a perspective of love, it baffles them what people chose to do with things. Perhaps God in its infinite Love and wisdom, chose the few willing to go a little crazy, as to be the bridge between the dead and life.

I pray on it though. That the voice I hear is really her. A crazy person doesn’t acknowledge their crazy. I was born with a gifts. That I put on the shelf and hid.

Not realizing the gifts I was given were gifts to be used not hidden. So as I gently embrace myself and welcome the gifts back into my life, I have moments where I miss those calls on the phone from my Grandma. I miss, “Hey Doll. Its grandma.” I would smile and respond, “I know.”

Love is really quite simple. It makes no demands on others to be who you think or want them to be. Love just loves others.

My daughter is excited to see her grandparents in 3 weeks. As my daughter gets older, more curious, I hope she can build that same bond with her grandparents.

May God continue to bless each and everyone us. May love be so real, that it opens us to how big we are. May we stop holding on and be pride filled. May we love and find peace in ourselves.

I am embracing aspects right now that have been dormant.

May we embrace fully those that have passed and cry. They have gone but always around. Grieving is real.

To my grandma, I appreciate you!

Love you….

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