Relationships: Stop making them wrong and yourself right

I just read something that was sent to me, it read, “when you are in a relationship and you are wrong about something admit it, on the other hand if you are right keep quiet and move on, relationships are a team not a competition.”  In working with couples, the biggest communication break down is misunderstanding. That’s all. Either one just needs to be a little clear without imposing a view on the other.  Understanding comes first in understanding yourself, knowing yourself, as you become clear on who you are, relationships become clear.  Most relationships are built on a concept of prove it to me. Because people’s ego’s have been hurt in relationships they enter a relationship with the idea of  being hurt.    When you enter a relationship in defense or lack of trust, then it becomes a slippery slope.  You become pride filled and above the other person. As they get close you pull away, and make them prove their trust.  Over and over.  You may say to them you would like something, lets say to watch a specific movie, so your partner gets the movie and you decide that wasn’t enough, your not satisfied, your partner has not met your expectation, even though that is what you said.. So you withhold from them till they shower you with gifts to prove they are good enough for you.  This push and pull is considered normal in relationships, with constant tests, mind created expectations, manipulating the other, and control all of which come form lack of understanding the self and your partner.  When you choose not to understand your partner then right and wrong become weapons.  “I told you, you should’ve done what I said, you are wrong, I am right,” really just old unresolved hurts, mistrust, of what. Of life. As you understand yourself, you understand life has seasons, changes, grows, moves forward, and is patient.  Some relationships can’t move forward because one partner is unwilling to move, they seem stuck in the past, concerned and comparing what it used to be, rather than enjoying the journey.  People addicted to love and loving, create drama in a relationship where there simple is none.  They need the excitement of something, so rather than enjoying right now, they create in their mind obstacles to get over, problems to work on, push the other away, some will flirt with others right in front of their mate, and even partake in scandalous relationships, just so they can satisfy their urge for heightened energy.

There is really nothing exciting about being right and making someone else wrong, or making someone prove that they love you over and over again. In fact it is tiring and so most relationships end, rather than nurture each other.  A relationship is like breathing, it needs the space to expand and contract, and know both is okay.

Another reason relationships take a turn is the lack of understanding and compassion for each other. You think that would be present but because people are not present with each other, they create problems.  How wonderful to sit and laugh for the night.  One of the biggest problems is the comparison game. Some partners compare others relationships to their partner,  “If you don’t full fill my needs then I am out the door, you know so and so my last boyfriend had this, you don’t have it.”

How quickly you can stop and be with yourself through out the day would make an incredible difference in the relationship. Find things you appreciate about your partner, find the good, stop pointing out what isn’t working, and look what is, improve communication by not putting them down and expecting them to read your mind. People cannot read your mind, so let them know what is going on, give up telling your partner about all your relationships, and respect who you are with. When you are away from each other enjoy that time, so when you come back together you can enjoy that too.  If you find yourself away and want to know if what you are doing is the right thing, ask yourself, “Would I be doing this if my partner was with me now?” If not, please walk away form the situation.  Keep things simple. Spend time meditating together rather then watching TV. Find space where you are not working all the time and checking your cell phone. Checking your cell phone in front of your partner all the time, gives off the impression there is something better than this in your life. The grass is not greener, trust my experience with clients. What you have should be honored from both parties, not one.


Embrace your differences and be happy to explore them.  Save your self the hassle, stop making each other right or wrong and accept the other person where they are. If you want to change your partner, stop, breath, and ask what you can change within yourself. Relationships are not factories of changing, fixing, saving, they are places of exploration. IF your partner is going through something, be with them. Let them experience it.  DON”T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL. If your partner is taking things out on you, maybe it is time to stop, and ask them to take a time out.  I hate to break the news to you, but when you blame, complain, lecture, lash out on your partner, that is yours to own, not theirs, so get real with yourself, and be real.  Your feelings are yours.  OWN THEM.  This is a team, a team of growth, understanding, healing the old, and love. Love is kind, generous, and giving, not taking, and remember the quicker you appreciate them the quicker the relationship will return to love.

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Are you a postal worker who likes to dress in drag? God doesn’t mind

It is wonderful news and in fact rather good news for many people to read, “Are you a postal worker who likes to dress in drag? God doesn’t mind.”  In a society were what you look like matters, in a society where God is judgmental, or even picks an chooses who are saints, sinners, mystics, and all the rest, from the experience of God it doesn’t matter.  When you are able to quiet the chatter, and the chatter in the mind can first only quiet when listened too without interacting with it.  As described in earlier blogs, simply listen without engaging in the noise. This is the practice.  Can you listen to everything without engagement? Engagement meaning, when you hear the noise in the mind is there something that is in disagreement, judgement, or critical and arguing with the mind, or beating yourself up because it is feeling guilty with the thoughts, actions, words, and behavior.

Everything is made from the unconditional presence (God).  Now if you are reading this blog for the first time, please reference and read the past six blogs to see where the messenger is coming from.  This message is about inclusiveness and in our society we speak about God and the bible outlawing certain groups.  When in fact we completely negate the fact that the messenger Jesus was simply talking about love. Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself.  So taking these two principles and using them and applying them in your life whether you live a “religious life”, “Spiritual life” , or negate everything by putting into a box of “well I am human and this is what we go through.”  However you choose is fine.  This blog is geared toward opening from a conditional existence to an unconditional existence.

So lets look at the first rule, love God.  So first we must begin to understand that God is omnipresent (Everywhere Present), meaning in all places at once.  So we are a wave in the ocean of all.  Everything is all, but we seem to be battling with the noise in the mind.  Absolute truth is all there is. It is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow.  It is doesn’t change.  So the everything and everywhere can only be in a place where this exists, which is a place with no boundaries, conditions, expectations, needs, and where is this place? This is not a hard riddle. Be with it.  Silence is the only thing that has no boundaries, conditions, and it is here where God is.  From her all exists. Now the battle rests within this space.  Can you be in this presence of stillness more then live in the thoughts? That is the practice of presence.  This is difficult for people. That is why ignorance is not bliss, its still ignorance. Ignoring the Truth which is stillness, has not moved the planet one bit. A radical transformation can happen when you fully rest in this Truth.  Watch cats, dogs, and animals. When you enter the room if you are feeling anxious they feel it too. They begin to run around like you are.  They are picking up on your energy. TRUTH IS STILL. So can you give up the thoughts of what you think may be happening and rest in what actually is happening now?   Because if you can rest in this space, then you are experiencing love, REAL LOVE, unattached by an idea of itself.  So life from this space becomes the constant giver of love and a complete expression of love. Now from this space you are able to love yourself fully.  The only thing that is separating you from yourself is the thought that you are separate from you and others. It is only the thought remember that is making the suggestion. This experience which is not based on intellect.  Intellect or intel is used for defense. To gather information of what may be happening, to help in your defense, another words intellect is an add on which is related to a belief.

So if you believe or have faith in a God which isn’t unconditional in nature which we are told “God is Love, ” then your belief in yourself is one of defense, conflict, delusion, and division, which lead to insecurity, unworthiness, and being unloveable. Your life then becomes a conditioned battle ground for survival, lack, limitation, getting, wanting, manipulating, using your body in lustful ways to manipulate others, and all the gross ways in which we try to defend this myth. It is a myth that God will punish you, or is punishing, or created good people and bad, or sinners, or mistakes, or just one son to save the planet from itself.  These are myths.

The old testament is a testimony of a super human God, like a human being, then the new testament introduces a God of love through Jesus.  Who in turn was teaching his students (disciples) to heal people like he was doing and do more than him. He didn’t want to be worshipped and a deity. Many times we see that he wanted each of us to understand that we are God-consciousness.  That we are moving and breathing of God and in God now.  That this is heaven now.  Not out there, where war, poverty, limitation, politics, power, or greed have their way with society, but here. Here is the Truth and once you discover that you are complete in stillness, then you will be free. But it must be discovered by you.  This discovery once made will shift your life in a wonderful way. So you must rebel today from the world and revolt against what it is showing you and turn within.  You must turn to unconditional love, God, presence, what ever moves you to turn with in then use that. It isn’t about the words, because the words can get in the way, be misunderstood, miscommunicated, etc.. Turn within and listen. Simple.

So if you are gay, bi-sexual,  straight, dress in drag, wear nail polish as a man, what ever it is you are doing as the expression of God then you are loved, as long as it comes from understanding what love really is, and in that understanding you will understand the importance of then loving another as you love yourself.  With these two laws lived and applied in your life you will be adding to humanity as a love.  Then you will lose the nonsense of judgment of another and you will come to appreciate everyone and everything as you.  So let go of controlling another, belittling another, condemning another, and lets join the movement of REAL LOVE, and make this a REAL REVOLUTION. So dress in drag, and deliver your message of love to the world.  No matter what others think, remember it is a thought, thoughts are divisive in nature.

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The Revolution Is A Happening Around the World

There is a movement happening on this planet can you feel it?  It is happening here in Los Angeles, to New York, to Turkey, Canada, Europe, China, and Belgium. It is a revolution.  A revolution you say? Where? What? There are people who have decided because of circumstances, unhappiness, misery, struggle, pain that this conditioned way of living is no longer possible. There must be another way.  This way only takes one thing, you to decide. You don’t need assurance, books, teachers, politics, tradition, rituals, family, or even friends to convince you. The discovery must be made by you and you alone. Sure you will fight it tooth and nail, you will resist, push against it, but where can you go, it is happening now.  Right now.  Your senses will not help except to help you connect.  Bring your baggage, stuff, whatever you wish to bring with you, I can assure you, it will help, and then you will have to leave it.  You can’t fight it. Your in it.

So you ask, “David how can I join in? What must I do?”  Well doing is not the way in. Stopping what you are doing is a good way to enter.   Close your eyes and see the the contradictions for what they are, contradictions.  See the fight inward.  See where the root of all life exists.  Come join in. It is not happening out there, although we believe in out there and out there will finally bring you in here. So cut the chase and come on in.  There is only acceptance here. Sorry there is no room for pride, fame, celebrity, because in here we are all equal. There is no judgement although you will be convinced there is a judge.  Be rest assured in your new found discovery that there isn’t. There actually is nothing going on. But it needs to be discovered by you. You are here to know yourself. That is true education, not reading the books, spiritual texts, bible, newspaper, schools, although they serve their purpose, this education is real and actual. It is happening now across the planet.  Don’t believe me, see for yourself. Come on.  Be a rebel with a cause.  Your cause is to be, to BE-CAUSE.

I can’t convince you of it. I mean I can, but you are a rebel. Rebels live outside and not inside the world. Look at Buddha, Jesus, and all the rest of them. The masters, the mystics, they lived outside the world view, and their message is still powerful. Your buildings crumble, your books are out dated, your history is manipulated, your politics deal with lies, greed, and they need you to be powerless.  I would like you to be in your power.  I desire you to look around and give up the fight with your brothers and sisters and stand as a unified group, a family.  The way to this revolution is inside. Help break the conditioned and conditions.  Stop listening to the world view and start hearing the view inside.

That view is inspiring, loving, forgiving, and serving. It is not powerless to others, to the world, to anything, it stands up for each other, and helps mother nature.  Are you going to keep fighting in the same way, and resisting, or will you STAND FOR PEACE and LOVE, after you finally go inside and see what that actually means. Stop falling prey to the fight, resistance, and delusion of the world.  STAND TALL AND SERVE.

This is the call, you are being called my brothers and sisters.  STAND FOR INCLUSION, not EXCLUSION.  We are all here for a reason.  The conditioned only works when we are against each other.  Lets work together for the common good.  Please find out what I am saying, by getting still and listen.  Stop fighting the same fight, we have been doing that years, and it hasn’t worked.  The time of waking is NOW. Decide NOW to turn in.  Join the inner revolution.  We are a family.

Join us around the world.  Stopping looking out and blaming, complaining, about them, those, whoever they are. Who cares? Start being who you are.  Who are you? I want you to find out.  I want you to find out on your own, and discover that you are here to embrace your light.  Embrace it.

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It’s The End Of The World As We Know It

As we continue down the path of self discovery, I remember the lyrics, “It’s the end of the world as we know it…”  and we enter this inner revolution within and begin to see the world as we once have known it, end and crumble, this can put many of us in a place of great uncertainty.  The death, the end of everything, the end of all attachments, everything gone, fallen away, and so here we are in the presence.  Call it what you will? But what you call it will change, but without anything to go too, anything to turn too, anything to identify with, all you know is now.  We are here, right here exploring what is, the actual, the real, its here that we end the fight, the division within, which is conflict and we stay with it , no matter what.  This is what WRESTLING WITH YOURSELF the blog is about. About you and I discovering that beyond it all, we are connected. Join me. Join me in the inner revolution. We have tried the outer and it has failed.

Can we enter together into a inner revolution? Can we together stand in it all, no matter what?  This type of practice goes beyond the mind, the body, and enters our heart.  Can you stand alone in stillness and trust in the certainty that life is a movement not a doing? That this movement when discovered will move mountains, move relationships, move health, move your finances, move your life in a way that cannot be described.  Can you sit in it like the middle of the hurricane and simply say YES? Can you? Are you ready to experience life as you have never known it? If so, then you must be willing to let go of everything, I mean everything, everybody, the past, and the future, you must take responsibility for the end of all you have created. All you have to say is, “I am ready.”

This is not a seeking, searching, a journey as the myth goes, but you must be able to drop it all, drop the drama, chaos, of what you think it is. Can you finally accept your life as it is?

We have great myths, traditions, rituals, schooling, books, to keep up the myth, but I want to know about who you are, beyond what you know.  You don’t have to travel somewhere, go to some guru, sit in a cave, and all the rest of it. We are simply discussing being with it all, no matter what, are you ready?

Yes we are experiencing the end of the world as we have once known it, not in the way in which you think, because thinking about will not help.  Are you ready for a revolt, not a revolt out here with others, but an inner revolution.  And uprising within.  This is between you. You can do this? Although you won’t be doing anything. You will be aware.  Stand in awareness and be present with the inner world, the outer world and know they are one.  Are you ready?  This is this the road less taken.

You have to give up all power to the world. You have to acknowledge that the world, people, places, memories have absolutely no power over you. End the seduction of the world. Let grace and love inside bring you home.  An inner revolution means that you have dominion over yourself, that you are free of everything, that you no longer believe in the world, no matter what it tells you, shows you, tries to push on you, no matter what, you must listen only to the stillness as your guide, and from there will come the most magical graceful insights. Are you ready for the end?

I feel like you are, I feel like that is how you found this blog, because you have been patiently awaiting this moment.  It is time, not time found in the world, but soul time.  Your soul has brought you here. Are you ready for a inner revolution? Because if you are ready, then this is how we will shift the world.  We will trust our inner connection and discover our strength together.  This is exciting.  I am excited.  Join me, join us around the world. As you connect to this inner revolution, you will discover your life expression, the gift that you are on this planet, and you will use it, without questioning, doubting it, or confusing it with others.

This is the end of competition, comparing, judging and all the rest of it. Are you ready?  Be willing to be willing. Join us.

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The Great Escape

As we continue to speak on the topic of unconditional presence, we come across the great escape.  The escape that each of us makes throughout the day, the escape that has us trying to leave the presence and go to an imaginary land filled with fantasy.  In order to understand the escape we must look at the mind of the being.  As we are beings, the only thing we have control over is now.  So when you manage right now and where your attention is then life becomes simple.  You begin to deal with the actual not the fantasy.  The fantasy is the escape.  Can you see that you are escaping? All you have to do is see the escape in the moment and you will be present.  For example, you begin to feel lonely at your place, and as you feel the lonely feelings, stories begin to happen, as the stories begin to unfold  within you, the loneliness now becomes unbearable, so you find your self escaping to food, drink, drama, chaos, but my question is, can you notice the escape?  If you can notice the escape as it is happening then you will be put back into where you actually are. When this happens you feel the loneliness, and as you feel it, you notice under the feeling is a sense of freedom.  The freedom you have longed for, for many years.

Life is being, and being is life.  In order to have peace in your life, you must acknowledge that you are not peaceful, that you have division, conflict within yourself.  By acknowledging this, you will begin to be with it. By being with it, life will transform.  But you have to be willing to look at it. Have you ever been in a room and your leg starts shaking, and so you become aware of the leg and it stops. Same idea here.  You must become aware that you don’t like being present, it scares you, it frightens you, it makes you not comfortable, so acknowledge that, just allow awareness on it.

Many groups, teachers, have 80 different techniques to free you. When actually you are free, you  just have to be aware of the parts which are conditioned. The mind is conditioned, by religion, society, media, school, family, traditions, rituals, and everything else, but none of it is who you really are.  You can not discover freedom inside the world, freedom is found outside.

So I invited you today to discover and acknowledge the escape.

When you can apply this simple way of being then blame, complain, shame, guilt, criticism, go out the door of yourself and the other.  We must end the division and conflict within. Conflict and division is war.  End the war inside by recognizing it.

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YOU are Significant

You are significant. Each one of you. We can end all debate on this topic by listening with are whole being. I call this active presence. You don’t have to close your eyes but if it helps you, then do it. You don’t have to sit cross legged, but if you feel like it then do it. You don’t have to chant, affirm, negate, fight, resist, but if it helps you then by all means do it.  All you have to do is listen and apply. Most people only listen 25-50% of the time, so don’t be surprised when you are not heard.

What is listening? How were we conditioned to listen? Most listen with the intention to be right, heard, or defensive. Most listen with a pre-conceived story ready, idea, concept, anything so there isn’t silence, anything so there isn’t breathing space. It is very limiting, lacking attention, and insincere way to be.
Yet, I am speaking about listening with none of the above going on. Can you listen to everything in your life without getting involved and making it about you? Can you? Please sit with this and be honest with yourself. Be honest with you. This is between you and God now. Not a punishing God, but your highest self. Your Buddha, your Christ nature. By listening I mean fully present with no agenda, no motive, no manipulation, no lust for the other, pure listening, authentic, aliveness, letting conversation lead you, not you leading the conversation. Can you live life this way? Not wanting, needing a single thing to add or lose of yourself. Just listening completely to the other, yourself, it all. Please be honest so we can discover the core of the fear of conditioned listening.
As you read this, you are listening, the mind translating this experience, so can you listen with no translation, nothing going on, because my friend if this type of listening is happening then you are trusting the whole of it, you are a life of nature. You will be allowing healing, miracles will manifest, life will move you to inspiration, inspiration will move you to action. This type of listening is REAL LOVE. No comparing, competition and all the nonsense. No running to the next thing, person, relationship, lover, money, job, just creation itself, listening.
When this happens then you will see how significant you are to the world and as the world. The world doesn’t need change as it needs good listeners. By truly listening, then change can happen easily and effortlessly.  Life can move, watch a tree in nature. It is listening.  Stretching, expressing, radiating, colorful, and still.  Sit down in front of a tree and talk to it. And you will laugh at first but you will be amazed by the love it exudes and transforms your life.  It is magical. All you have to be is a good listener. Can you be?

I invite you to subscribe with others around the world.

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Is that so?

I love this wonderful Zen Koan, please read it and sit with it’s meaning for your life.

 Is That So?

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbours as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child.

This made her parents angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parent went to the master. “Is that so?” was all he would say.

After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him, but he took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbours and everything else he needed.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth – the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: “Is that so?”

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