Losing My Religion To Discover My Spirit

There is division within us, each of us, we are here to end the division and know ourselves and that will lead to complete freedom.  That is true education.  We see that division  throughout the world in nationalities, most religions, race, traditions, politics, relationships, etc..  So how can one be free if they are attached to an idealogy, concept, or image. Because freedom is not attached to anything, it is free. We have been dialoguing about the minds concept of God. Can we be completely attentive to what is? Most religions are built on concepts, idea’s of what the mind believes is God. With those ideas of the mind, come rules, levels, good/bad, division, yet division can only be found in the thoughts. Where there is division there is conflict, war. So as more and more people are leaving religion, what is the search for, the search can only be that of freedom. Most religions box the idea of God, making the suggestion that God can be boxed in, that God is super human with good/bad people, that God punishes, that this God which created all in its image and likeness as we find in Genesis, “God created all and it was good”, then can exclude different groups. We then pick and we focus on the different passages in the bible to back up this concept of God, image of God, idea of God, which are based on the small intellect (mind based thinking) about the whole.

It would seem much more adventurous to look at the mind and religion. So what is religion?  Is religion just another concept of the mind? Lets take a look at the system of the mind. We have a person who is frightened by life, in fear of death, it knows on a physical level everything comes and goes and dies, yet on psychological level it is scared to die. What is scared to die? Just look at it. We seem scared of death in the west, even to look at it. We show violence on TV and movies and yet when soldiers die, we won’t look at it. We deny death constantly. So what is death? Strange to ask when I am speaking about losing my religion. Death is losing what we know, losing everything in an instant that we have spent a lifetime holding on too. So everything goes, including, being right, ideals, values, concepts, bias, judgements, and so on. So rather than being with what is, we escape. Rather than sitting with it,” Okay here I am, so and so has died, but I feel lonely, scared, sorrowful”, and so rather than being with that, we escape and form more turmoil. Rather than admit, okay I am attempting to escape this now, once you see your escaping, then you are able to be with it, be with what is happening, so you discover the lonely feeling, the loss, but what has been lost. This person which you have had in your life, but is the sorrow for them, or is it your own self pity for the loss. What are you going to do? Right. I am not suggesting death and dying shouldn’t be felt,  but I am simply asking you to be with the example. Death was coming, no surprise,  and yet you wanted to escape it. By not being with your own death, it is difficult not to bring that to another.  So they die, and now you have loss. You feel this loss. So you stay with the loss of the person and as you stay with the loss, which is loneliness, you go deeper and you realize that you never knew how to love, that you have never loved, that your love is selfish. That your love for this person, religion, idea of them, memories of them, was really what you were in love with. But that isn’t love, that is really death. You were living to die. You weren’t love, but because of their death, they were able to point you to love, real love, which is acceptance of now.

If you were to cut your arm, you would take action, but if you thought about cutting your arm then it would be different. Most religions sell you  on  ideas, traditions, rituals, and an idea about a afterlife. Give us money and when you die, after being saved  you will meet so and so in heaven. This existence is hell we told on earth, but when you leave all will be well. You will be well. So you feel good for a short time with the idea. Problem solved, no thinking, follow the mind made rules and live a good life, and all the stuff that comes, and then I can get a free ticket to heaven, God loves my group more and so we are chosen. My Jesus did this for me, my Jesus saved me, my Jesus died for me, and yet depending on what you believe the outcome changes, depends on your faith. So we are conditioned to not question the myth, stories, and ask deeper questions.  Of course you crave happiness, you crave love, because you might have been baptized as a sinner (mistake), and if that is your start in life then the rest is just trying to survive to get anywhere but here.  So you are born powerless.  So where do you go? Well you have to go where there is power. Because if they have power out there then they know the way. But you soon learn that they are powerless as well.  So you are unsatisfied and you leave the religion.  The search for who you are begins, now something knows you are free.  But the mind is so conditioned by powerlessness, gripped by fear, worry, confusion on trusting itself, trusting its life, that it searches for anything, like a lost soul. Lost in translation.  It continues with what it knows, to survive to keep alive, to work, struggle, live in pain, torture, because that is the images it was sold.  Images of a man crucified for you, and a group of people wrote texts on this man being the only sun (son) of God.  So what is left for you but to follow the only one.  Right? Lets be real now. So here you are lost and confused. Then some lonely traveler suggests that you have power, in you, but like a wounded child, you don’t want to look at it. See it. You start to think, which, got here in the first place, your thinking and not questioning, “How can I have power?” Deep inside you feel wounded, angry, abandoned, hopeless, and astray.  You are in life of pain and that is your comfort.  You have no idea of love,except the idea and images you were sold in stories, myths, TV, and film.  This conditional love.  You are even told Jesus loved unconditionally, forgave unconditionally. But if he was chosen then there is no hope for you.  God had plans for him and not you. You get mix messages, just like the mind. God is love and created all, but only created one son, what? It sounds like the mind.

So you are weary, tired, alone, and you are yearning for a connection to something bigger. There has to be something bigger here, this can’t be it. I have to save myself from myself. So maybe you come back to religion, or you turn to drugs, food, drama, chaos, fights, not because you really want too, but because your pain is your comfort, loving yourself makes no sense. It makes no sense because you feel abandoned by God. But God never left you.

Maybe you stay there, maybe you crumble, maybe at this point you don’t give a care anymore, it is up too you.  Or maybe as you read this, you discover that closing your eyes and breathing gives you comfort.  But the noise is so loud and you feel uncomfortable. But in a instant you felt a minute of peace.  So the next day, you come back and the discovery gets longer.  You continue on, and as you continue on you realize that the silence is the freedom. That Jesus, and Buddha were messengers for all of us. They taught us how to connect to the everything and make it personal.  It’s in you. That silence has no dogma, no rules, no levels, no greater than or less than, it simply is profound.  And when realized by you, then you can see the real message of Jesus, that he was speaking about the Christ in you, in me, and in everyone. That Buddha was speaking of the Buddha nature in you, and me, and everyone. Call it the witness, call it God-consciousness, call it what you will, the name isn’t important. The experience is. The experience is personal and sacred for each person.  Remember you are hu-man which means God-man. Jesus and Buddha just want you to discover the God, to understand the man. When you do, you will discover your spiritual nature.  Freedom.  True freedom.

When this happens, you will understand the universal laws of love, adjustment, cause, attraction, forgiveness, and celebrate in spiritual centers of Truth not fear. You will explore death and sit with it. Your death.  And when you discover what death is, as you live now, you will discover what Jesus meant when he said, “Heaven is at hand.”  You can’t see till you stop running from it. Stop running from death, and you will discover God. You are not a mistake, you are made good, all of you, not some of you, all of you.  “God created all and it was good.” So let this be an invitation to re-examine, to question, to look at it the escape, the story, that we are repeating to ourselves and propagating in the ourselves and the world.  You may go from religion to religion, but ask yourself, “What am I really scared of finding out?  What is this idea of death?  Is it real? Is it false?  What are my superstitions? What have I been taught about God?  What is running from now?” Celebrate your life, not run from it. Celebrate your spirit with a group who includes all, whether that group is religious or spiritual in nature.

Questions, sessions: email: semjase64@gmail.com


The Wedding and the Death

I am always thrilled to be a part of a wedding. Having married many couples, it is always fun to see the bride enter, smiling, elated, and thrilled of the adventure with their mate. Looking over and seeing their partner next to me, in awe, overwhelmed with emotions, and happy.  This wedding was special, it was my cousin.  Someone I babysat, grew up with, and now I stand in front of her in awe of her life’s journey.  As I gave her the vows to repeat, she stopped and said, “Those are beautiful words.” She is very nervous in front of people, I smiled, “I didn’t write them, people have been saying them for hundreds of years.” Everyone laughed. Marriage is a time of new beginnings, adventures, healing, forgiveness, and growing with the self and another.  The ebb and flow of life with another.

When the ceremony was over, we partied.  Enjoyed good conversation, danced, and of course sang the YMCA, which always makes me laugh.  My 4 year old daughter and I danced all night.  If was very special and wonderful.

The next morning I awoke and got in the car with my Dad and drove to SF.  A family friend was dying. hospice was there now, tending to her. Patsy had been a part of my life. since I was born.  She was adopted by a Croatian couple, little did Patsy know they would make her a maid.  She would wake up, take the bus to the hospital and do the laundry. She would come home to see the couple and do their laundry, cook, clean,  and wash them, then back to sleep to do it all over again.  She worked at the hospital for 45 years.  She never dated, married, or had any family. My grandma became friends with Patsy and began to bring her to family parties. Patsy was always smiling and fun.  She was like a great aunt.

In her room the Hospice lady said the fight was over, she had 24 hours or less.  I sat with her, as my Dad made plans for the priest, funeral, etc…Her eyes were blue, like a child’s eyes, she was shaky and tired.  As we sat there, I was amazed by the beauty of death.  Most of us run from it.  Death is the final expression into love.  I sat there and thought of the party the night before and the celebration. Now I was sitting in a cold room, alone with a Hospice lady and my Dad. No fanfare, no celebration, no other people around, and it was breathtaking and simple, profound, and beautiful.  I love death. I really do.  I love being around the dying.  As you sit with someone, the stories they had fall away, as they come back into light. Their bodies get lighter, and there is a sense of AWE on their face.  Almost like a secret they just discovered but can’t tell you now.

Patsy passed away at 9 pm pst Sunday.


Love you

Time just Stops

The moment will happen, if of course it hasn’t already, when you realize that true letting go is not knowing the answer, then it will comes.

The moment will come when you realize that all the judging of yourself and another, was really just an invitation to forgive yourself and love more.

The moment will come when you will realize there really is no accidents, that you are being guided, and that it really is all love with no endings.

The moment will come when you realize the fight with another was really your fight with yourself.

The moment will happen when you just love for no other reason but that not loving is hard and hurts more.

The moment will happen when you give up the hold, the fight, and see the beauty in life and beautiful you really are.

The moment will come when you take responsibility for the word you speak, and how important that word is. And if you miss spoke. You ask for forgiveness.

The moment will come when you simply realize that life is really very simple. It is all happening now.

The moment will happen when you laugh at this and smile.

The moment will happen when you die, or a parent dies, or family member, or friend, and you won’t look back…you’ll know you loved them with everything, so now you can celebrate them with a celebration.

The moment will come when this was all a wonderful dream. Moving pictures and images before the divine light called you.

The moment will come when all your ways of denying the actuality of life will disappear and you will meet everyone as you.

The moment will come when you will simply be quiet and listen, smile, and accept yourself.

The moment will come…if it hasn’t already.




By David Matthew Brown

Q: I have recently lost someone in my family to death, I found myself scared about my own death, what is death?

A: What is death?  We spend most of our lives looking away, running, suppressing, hiding, and so when death comes it is a fear of something not explored.  Fear is unexplored territory.  So when it is in our face if we don’t want to know what we  fear. But the fear again is uninvestigated.  Just like a reaction.  So death needs to be questioned, investigated, looked at, not kept away as though there is no end. Media, newspapers, magazines, and entertainment make death into a fairy tale.

Solders are not seen in death bags, death is not seen on TV, families don’t talk about death, and the simple fact is it is happening. Like fear. Nobody wants to look at it.  It is easier to pray and ask God to take away the pain so the person will not have to experience the grave.  It is easier to blame a God for death then look at our own creations. So lets look at death. What is death? It seems that something has ended, but what has ended? Time? Body? Mind? What do I believe death is? This body seems to be without life, and feels cold.  But where has the identity of you gone.  Where is David Matthew Brown? Where is he? Is he here? His body is here. But what happened?

The identity of the body is gone. But that identity was formed by thoughts and feelings, which formed a self- image in life about whom David was.  So all the experiences, past, memories, beliefs, spiritual or not spiritual, conditions, language, family, friends, stories, country etc…that made this life called David Matthew Brown all of have stopped, ceased, and where did they go? Is it that we are scared that our identity, which we have spent, cultivating with ideas, images, thoughts, and feelings; will no longer exist, if that is the case then that would lead one down the path to ask the question, who am I without death?  Who am I without identity?

Identity would presume that you are something, and after death you appear to be nothing.  Just like everyone else.  So what is death? It is the loss of identity, and if I am identified with you in my life, then I have stories that are good and bad that make our connection dependant on each other, real.  But now you are no more physically. So there is no one to attack, love, blame, etc. Except these stories of what was, what used to be, the past, what I know or thought I knew about you, and now I must look at it. All of it is dying in front of me and all I can do is be present. Watch all the identities falling away. But all I know is this and you and the world and ideas.  Another question arises, if I have an identity to a job, person, drug, food, body, then who am I without it?

Free. You are in a state of freedom. So death leads you to freedom. Religions want you to believe that that freedom can’t happen till you physically die. And when that happens in the future, then you will enter eternal life, heaven, another realm, and meet who ever you meet.  And yet, whether that belief is true or not for you, when we investigate death, we arrive at complete freedom.  Freedom from need, freedom from our own identities, freedom from relationships, freedom from money, freedom from success, freedom from fame, etc…Well you must be thinking, what is wrong with any of these things, nothing.  They all have a place in society, but they are not who you are.  Each day we die. We die to what we know, knowing is death, the past is dead, and we only have now.  Simple. But the intellect wants to identify with something, to be something, to be accepted, and so it brings us to the next question, everyday I feel insufficient, this feeling permeates my day, and I find myself comparing, contrasting, and I want to feel sufficient, how can I feel sufficient?

Everyone wants to be something, wants affection, wants love, wants, and with those wants come “should be”, “this shouldn’t”,  “why am I here”, “How did I get here”, and so forth.  Rather than feel the insufficient part and investigate it, we create an identity that masks the insufficiency. The identity is created by how others see us and how that makes us feel.  If in fact, when I was younger, and growing up, and my parents punished me through physical forms such as slapping, then I may look for punishment throughout my life. Creating an identity where I become successful and then punish myself for such success. Or I know violence. In both cases the old form doesn’t work anymore. So we must investigate the idea. But when it comes up we are taught to run, because people may find out that I am insufficient.  That our identity doesn’t match up with our sense of self. But our sense of self is built on a false premise, which we believe is who we are.

So we create traditions, mantras, gurus, religions, organizations, political governments, government, economy, from insufficiency, and as they crumble, because they have too, we panic.  We panic because again we are going to be seen, and so we suffer this betrayal of our selves. Suffering is a betrayal. We only suffer when we don’t want to investigate what we are saying to our selves and doing to others. So death comes upon us. The identity as individuals and as a whole suffers collectively as everyone grasps to discover what is happening. And what is happening is a self -created identity that has failed to look at its own creation, which must be die.

Identity to self -creation will always end in death. It is the way ideas are formed. A computer was made and now something better comes to destroy the old computer.  We are caught up in the past, identified on how others see and care about what we have created.  So we say, “I am a scientist, I have important information that you don’t have.” Well when the scientist retires, leaves the job, what is he or she now. Like everyone else, insufficient, suffering, and yet if the scientist can simply look at the insufficiency then he or she would realize that the present moment is life itself.  That thought doesn’t exist in the presence. The mind is used on occasion, there is no identity to a past, future, that there is only now. There is nothing to get to, move to, run to, run from, hide, be dishonest, but a place which can only be found now.

Life is simple, and death is simple, and that they are choice on how to live,  only made when investigated.  Explore it for yourself. Look at your fear, question it, and get the answer to what it is telling you. It wants you to explore it. Not run, hide, blame, complain, pass judgments, and react too. Without exploring death and fear, we form groups, beliefs, religions, organizations, governments, societies, and schools.

You must always be acting from now, but you first must die to what you know.  A violent man must admit he is violent. Then inquire on all the ways that he is violent, in order to dissolve violence.  We can’t understand peace, love, and compassion till we investigate the thought about each one and arrive at what they actually are, freedom. Death is the release of something created, attachments, and the acceptance of now. Which is always new, never old, and exciting. And yes that radical change can happen right now.The Lion


Dear Ones nature is the law. Look how nature gives you a gift everyday. Everyday you are given a sunset and sun rise. The seasons change, plants grow, and this season nature is giving you time to relax, reconnect, and bond with others. Storms are here to teach you that love and grace is found in God’s face. Each of you is that face and yet you turn away from it, like you are doing to mother nature her self.  She is gifting you with beauty all around and yet you take it for granted. Dear ones, life is unfolding fast right now.  Things are being shown to you and yet your interpretation is all about death. Maybe you should sit with your death and be rest assured that it will never happen. That each of you is God’s chosen one and you believe there is but one. Re-examine the history of where that came about and you will see that God never judged itself so harshly as you are judging yourselves now.  You are born from the highest idea called divine. And yet, you spend more time acknowledging what you are not. Stop waiting for something to save you from your own self created nightmare and embrace the divine that you are. Focus on nature and see the lesson it is teaching you. Your breath is that nature.  Listen to what you tell others about the divine.  Speak from higher forms. Your response in every situation should be love and how can serve? If it is not, even in subtle ways then you must see what you are telling yourself.  Remember God has never left you or anyone.  There is order to that which you hold on to pieces.  KNOW IN EVERY SITUATION GOD IS WITH YOU. No matter how it feels or LOOKS. Angels are everywhere, listen and talk to them.  Blessings dear ones.  THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS.

Mother Mary’s Words: Welcome Home to Love

Mother Mary: As we approach another Christmas, a lot of people are focused on material giving and less on love, forgiveness, and healing. Most are concerned with meeting family, friends, which they have not seen for awhile. Their concern is always about fighting, rehashing, old habits, addictions, and less on forgiveness. This holiday season I invite each of you to look at forgiveness, which is the best gift that you can give yourself and others.
So what is forgiveness. First, let me speak on love. LOVE IS ALL YOU ARE AND ALL THERE IS. You have covered it up in order to get ahead, strive, and separate from others to give yourself a specialness. That specialness is not real. For your specialness is laughable at best in the mind of love. LOVE is inclusive. That is the only rule. When you exclude, feel excluded, from something, then forgiveness will bring you back to REALITY, which is that you are love and so is everyone. EXCLUSION in any form is specialness. It invokes a pre-mature power to feeling less than or greater than in any situation. EACH OF YOU was made from the highest idea and that idea is unconditional love. Your frustration in another is really, your frustration in yourself, for you believe you are separated from who you are, which is love. Forgiveness in this mind set believes that power is still at hand. So by asking for forgiveness or forgiving from this mind set there seems to be power over another or giving up power. Forgiveness is the recognition of falseness in the situation. You are simply seeing that at the moment you had recognized only separation of love in another or in yourself. BUT LOVE knows nothing of SEPARATION. Forgiveness happens when you are not present. Your presence is a practice of love 24/7. So another indicator of not being present is ANGER. Anger is learned. So we are re-learning how to be and be love 24/7. The rose does not discriminate its scent, so why are you? You tell yourself that “they”, “them”, out there are hurting you, but you in turn are hurting yourself, by not recognizing your biggest teachers are right in front of you. Your breath is teaching you LOVE, the person in front of you is teaching you love, you are learning how to love now. Life can never be boring. How am I loving now? When you listen to another ask yourself, “Let me hear their love, what is love telling me now?” Then you become love and a miracle is at hand. A miracle is a shift in oneself from fear to love. Forgive the fear, it is not real. Be love my children, learn it now, use it always. Practice LOVE. Let your life be a practice of love. LOVE yourself first and see how you treat yourself by how you talk about others when they are not there.


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