Stop Looking

Stop looking out there for it. Big deal right? Say it as many times as you wish and still nobody wants to listen, because they are busy looking for it. So what is everyone looking outside for.  What is it that if you found it out there, it will allow you such joy and happiness, that your life would change?  Is it the relationship that excites you so much, you tell your friends that you are in love, then sooner or later, you announce you hate their guts. Is it the job you are looking for, and when you get the job, you are excited then you realize that it is like all the rest. Is it the new diet, body you want, then when you have it, you have to maintain it. Is it calling yourself spiritual and then realizing we are spiritual so there is no such thing as specialness.  What is it, that you will change you out here?  Can anything change you out here? I am asking you to look at it.  So if out here can’t change you, and the conditioned world wants you to go on a journey and find it, then where is it?  Nothing out here can bring you freedom, because if you are looking for it, then when you find it, you will be attached to it. Then it becomes another possession.  Another thing. Do you see?

So can you stop looking for it? Stop searching for it? Stop wanting it? Can you simply stop and allow awareness? The story of Buddha is our collective story. He gave up his riches, family, traditions, rituals, home, and everything to find everything. Same with Jesus. Can you give up the world to find it? How do you give something up, if you are looking for it.  Stop thinking about it.  When you stop thinking about, what ever it is, it will be attracted to you.  There is nothing to think about that isn’t already happening.  We have been conditioned in school to create problems, and solve them.  We are lost in the problem, forgetting that we created it. Stop thinking about it and you will see it is already done. You exist in the all of all.  Found that out. Live that. Get to know that and you will realize the conditional was the problem. ” says Robert Taylor.


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Hey, you want to play with me?

When I have the opportunity to listen to clients in sessions, one thing that I realize is one, we take ourselves way to seriously, and two because of that we lose the sense of play.  Life is love and when that understanding is a realization, then you will see the play and the parts in it.  When you observe children playing, they have fun, create rules, and then throw them away, and play a new game. But as adults we seem to be more concerned with getting, making, wanting, expecting, needing, the other, or trying to full fill a dream of marriage, a house, security for life, and yet because most of us are living from selfishness, we neglect our hearts.  The desire in your heart will always debunk the mind. So lets say your will wants to live out this lifestyle, and living that lifestyle takes work, effort, and why you are working and efforting along the way you find yourself obsessed by the dream. This obsession leads to little lies here and there, manipulating others, lusting to get what you want, and destroying friendships, families, in the process of getting this dream done. So now you have achieved the dream and you look back and no one is around, it took ten years to get there, and all you have to show for it is this, pain you caused, struggle, and humiliation of yourself and others, which is greed (Lack).  So you have the dream and yet you are unhappy but why. You have the new cars, mansion, dream, and yet you are sad inside, not happy. Maybe this  true or not.

Now your heart desire comes in and says, “Okay now its time to be happy.”  Well you have to look at that, see what happiness is, and the mind thinks well I have to hold on to this, because happiness means I have to let all this go.  Well out of no where the job goes, money, the home, the partner who was only with you for fame and co-dependence is gone, and so now all the people you pushed over, cheated, lied, and all the ret of it are with you.  Your pride is wounded, your greed is seen for what it is, and you are alone, the same type of aloneness you were racing from with the dream.  So you can now look at your hearts desire and see what it yearns for. Come to find out it wants to open a place for people who need help finding a job, you decide to help people, the non-profit moves quickly, people are being helped because you decided to help others. You feel light, laugh lots, and play more. You have a partner who loves you as you are, and you love them.  It was never about the conditioned dream, it was always about service and helping and loving;  that makes the world go round.  Our world is in a state of need.

The need you can provide by loving your heart and yourself. From there you will discover play, laughter, service, and help.  We live in humanity and we need each other. Mother earth has provided so much abundance for us and we have taken her for granted.  Now we must give back to her and we can only do that through playing.

So rewrite your scripts with yourself first and the rest will fall into place.

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Yesterday I was writing something and wrote “unison”, which means: complete agreement, harmonizing exactly.  When I sat with it a little more, uni= one and son= son.  One son, it reminded me of the stories of Buddha and Jesus, which is the story of our lives. To live in complete agreement with the laws of the universe and when we do that we become our true nature.  We become the son and daughter of unconditional presence.  The mantra may be I AM ONE and guess what? You are.  

Can you imagine? Sit with this for second. I AM ONE WITH THE UNIVERSAL ONE. Or as Christians say, “I AM THAT I AM.” That is how powerful you are. You are here to create from that. The way in which you connect to the source of everything is to quiet and listen.  Now when I say be quiet and listen, you think about talking and shutting up.  I am suggesting quieting your mind and listening to the silence which already is present.  In that silence exists all you need. In fact, when we use words to describe love, wealth, creativity, abundance, etc…we really are talking about the same energy which is unconditional presence.  Its all one life.  Each of us is that life expressing fully. It doesn’t seem that way because the mind is trying its best to convince us that there is separation. When really there is no separation.  The fragmented mind is convinced of this. So the only block between you and everything is silence.  With silence there is no conditions, barriers, blocks, problems, situations, and so what are we really waiting for? 

If everything is happening already and this life has infinite possibilities then what is wrong with silence.  It is here that we heal, it is here where true riches lie, it is here where magic is, and the absolute, and yet very few seem to want to go there.  Jesus never over threw the Romans but he left a lasting impression.  By getting still like nature we begin to understand how amazing we really are. Judgment is a thought. Love is silent, fun, joy filled, wisdom, and sometimes forceful. The lesson here is sometimes we should just be quiet and listen.  

When we can listen to the silence and maintain it for the day, then we can hear the truth, inspiration, and all the non sense goes away.  So can you turn away from the world? Can you be still?  Can you listen to the silence? If you can, you will be on the road like Jesus, Buddha, and many mystics.  

Live a life in complete agreement with nature. Sounds cool right?  

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Love Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint

I had the wonderful opportunity about three years ago to run in the Los Angeles marathon. When training began it seemed overwhelming, but after talking to the coaches I was reassured that it would be okay. We started off with little runs, and then moved on the weekends to bigger runs. Before I trained for the marathon I started running about year out. I started with simply running one lap around the track, then two, then a mile. As I built my lungs up, I trusted my feelings to move me forward not my head. I realized early on that my head wanted everything now. It wanted a 3 hour time in the marathon, wanted to be noticed, wanted, wanted, wanted, well after evaluating the runs over time, I realized that this was my first marathon and found a comfortable time that would be realistic for me. I loved everyday running, somedays I felt really good and it was smooth, other days when I had to make bigger runs I realized they weren’t smooth but I still had training to do and did it.

I bring this up because love is a marathon, sometimes when people get into relationships they want the house, husband/wife, kids, dog. cars, and yet they don’t breath, grow, and learn with their partners and how they are in relationships, in fact they try sprinting and they tire out and move to the next relationship because they are exhausted, impatient, and in blame mode about the expectations their partners didn’t meet. But that isn’t love, we all know this and yet we get our pants in knot over love. Love is a marathon, meaning things come up, thing arise, and adjustments need to be made. How you handle the marathon of love is handle you handle your life. In a country with divorce, dropping lovers each week, speed dating, wanting it now, internet dating, quick fix society living, we miss that love is a marathon. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

When I was training I was committed to the marathon, in relationship we are committed to the other, that means no matter what comes up, we will work with it, be a team, and explore the possibilities. If things came up in my training, I didn’t complain to others about it, I just adjusted to it and moved forward. In fact if I did mention it, guaranteed someone would quip, “Dude you are running a marathon, I couldn’t do that.” When you realize that love is marathon it allows you to enjoy everyday and live it fully, when love becomes a sprint you miss the point, we are learning to love and create in loving ways. That is a process of patience.

So relationships are based on softening up, being receptive, and enjoying, rather than the old paradigm of wanting, expecting, and running away from things. Many people in relationships with their self and another panic. Impatience is panic, like sprinting it is exhausting, tiring, and before you know it, you are dwelling on what used to be. There is no aliveness, newness, because sprinting is about getting to the next moment, a marathon is about enjoying. A world class marathoner quipped, “Americans are funny at marathons, they have their goals, times, lists, and they forget to have fun and enjoy the race, I wonder if they live life that way.”

Are you living to get to the next thing? Are you living to die? Living to die means that you don’t want to experience life fully, you are not involved fully. My hope is that you live love as a marathon and enjoy it. Give yourself a break each day and enjoy nature, friends, lovers, family, fully. Marriage isn’t awful, but it is when you need, want, sprint, push, hold on to everything, don’t want to learn/grow with yourself in the relationship and the other. A relationship is how you are perceiving the other and how you perceive yourself. Some people create the same relationships and are bummed they are not married, kids, house, etc…well guess what, who is the central character in the story, who needs to change, when I ran the marathon, it wasn’t about anyone else but how I was viewing myself. Same in love. Be gentle with yourself, love is a marathon, so enjoy each other and give each other break for goodness sakes. Your partner is doing what they know and so are you. Stop punishing them all the time, or criticizing them. Appreciate what, and who you have. Maybe it ends, maybe you continues on, but treat it as a marathon. There is no reason why we can’t live for 40, 50, years with someone, the only reason is because we don’t want to run the marathon, we want to run the sprint and live for the end.

In a relationship, appreciate rather then criticize, love rather than judge, hug, touch, and feel rather than hide, escape, and run. Be honest, and when your wrong admit it, and when your right shut up, don’t rub it in. I love this, “Just because your right doesn’t mean I am wrong.” Relationships like a marathon is a process of learning, growing, and appreciating life, please do. Stop venting about your 4 month, 2 year, 5 year relationships as though they were the difficult ones of your life. Maybe you simply need to run the marathon and stop sprinting to get things and wants met.

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Got Love?

We live in a society where love is sung about, written about, talked about, looked for, and we are told that without it then life sucks.  Yet, most of what we actually know and our taught about love is outside of ourselves.  We are taught to give and yet we have troubling receiving.  In relationships, people play games, blame, complain, take out their stuff on their partners, and hold back love.  This is normal, acceptable behavior.  Some relationships compete, compare, judge each other and call this love.  I was listening to the radio just now and a song came on about how this man really hurt this woman by leaving her.  Now am I suggesting love is just this happy place where bliss and joy exist, and no fighting and healing are, actually no I am not suggesting that. But what I am suggesting is that love needs to be redefined and looked at in a society.

With sites like Facebook, it is easer to defriend and move on.  We live in a society where once somethings happens we run away and cut our loses, but we aren’t taught to work with things, be with them, and see how the experience is opening us up to our bigger self.  Instead we want everyday to be like Christmas and open the gift and move on to the next one.  We have a sense that life is greener over there. Then in relationships we build up a false sense of expectation, need, and when we don’t look those expectations, then your partner pays for it.  We have trouble accepting ourselves and yet we expect others to accept us as we are and when they don’t we get upset.  

We don’t have time for others, so we text, email them, and then we misinterpret their response on text or email.  Rather than picking up a phone and talking , we fight over text.  We are becoming more and more distant. Love seems to be just a word.  

People seem to be looking for a quick fix in their spiritual practice, love, health, relationships, money, etc…without wanting to stop and look at themselves.  

Love is simple. It accepts everything without holding on.  It gives and receives.  So what does it give. It gives its complete attention to people. It doesn’t run, have an argument, complaint, judgment of others, judgment, blame, which are wonderful ways to see where you are. If you are more concerned about what others think of your relationships, or you are concerned by what others say about your relationships, then perhaps you may need to sit down and be with yourself.  Love doesn’t care what others think about others, because love is just loving.  Love is natural and is learned. Hate which is unnatural is learned too.  We learn in our lives to gossip, complain, blame, hurt, fight, and yet we never learn to really listen. 

When you really listen to everything with your whole being, then you will be able to learn. When you learn, you begin to learn about not only the other but yourself. That learning is the beginning of love. From that point, love will blossom.   You can not act love. You are love.  Discover what mystic’s know.  Focus on the bigger love and get to know that.  So I encourage you to stop playing small in love, which is conditional. Love appreciates and accepts.  

So appreciate yourself, appreciate your gifts, and appreciate life as a great learning tool.  Grow up, grow in, grow out, just allow each day to help in your growth as a lover, adventurer, and child of this planet.  And please forgive, forgive, forgive everything and everyone.  

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How do you enable people? Do you support their growth? Do you try to hold them down? Do you want them to stay the same, and when they grow, you work hard to discredit them?  Each of us helps each other grow.  Learn to be open to the lesson. Do you bud your head in other peoples business and then take sides? There seems to be a lot of focus on budding in, making people wrong, putting people down, holding them down, and those patterns are out dated programs.

When someone is venting about something or someone, it is easy to get caught up, and take sides. The best thing to do is just listen.  The person venting just needs to feel okay with letting it out.  Its okay. When you really listen to the person venting, you can open the door to compassion for both parties, or groups of people.  Most people have never felt seen, heard, or loved.  So if they are used to controlling and now their life is out of control or they can’t control it, they in turn try to control.  Again when we take responsibility for our lives, and where we are, then we can begin to feel compassion for the other.  Instead of vomiting our emotions on others and having them deal with our stuff.

I always thought that I would be an actor, in fact for many years I was quite successful. Until the universe decided that it wanted me some place else.  After school  ended, I was a stay at home dad. Which challenged my image of being a man. All the men in my life weren’t stay at home men.  But there I was at home, cooking, taking care of our daughter, from 6 am- 7pm.  I would take her to the park, go on walks, communicate with other parents, play, and try to have my daughter sleep for at least an hour, so I could have that hour to myself.  The challenge wasn’t staying at home, it was dealing with a self imposed image and ideal of a man.  During that time many people took the low road, calling me a woman, making jokes about my masculine nature, and working very hard to drive home the ideal that I wasn’t a real man, who takes care of his family.  Caught up in the nonsense as I look back, I remember going to the park with my daughter and running into another man, we talked, he had the same story. It felt good to connect. He told me that his pop told him, “Son you are doing the most difficult work there is. If others have a problem with it, that is their problem, real men love. Love is a team effort. It takes two.  And love is difficult when others judge you, but they judge you because they don’t want to deal with themselves.”  Looking back, we were both doing what we felt was right.  Our wives were working and we were working.

Now I find myself leading bereavement support groups, counseling, speaking, helping in the process of raising our daughter as a single Dad, writing for different publications, teaching, workshops, meditations, and anything else that comes up. All the work is related to learning. Learning to grow in and give it out.  It has all been part of a process. A process filled with everything a good novel has in it. And I have learned a lot.Still learning. Although my learning now is more moment to moment, and less looking ahead. Beating myself, worrying, have vanished. Laughter has taken its place, along with the following- “Oh well.”

And like a James Joyce novel…it continues on….

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